Thanks to the band Punto Quatro and the album cover for their 1978 Spanish language version of the Grease soundtrack, we have the above striking visual, which looks like it could be from an alternate reality in which the late 70s Hollywood blockbuster was instead a cheap Mexican telenovela. If that had been the case, I may have been spared being forced to listen to “Summer Nights” at an ear splitting decibel level at every school dance from 6th to 9th grade. Just hearing the first few bars alone is enough to send me back to those hilariously awkward events. Everyone’s parents would drop them off at the school and the junior high cafeteria would turn into the lamest dance club this side of the Fox Valley (I grew up in Wisconsin for those of you who didn’t get the reference and are separated from cheeseheads at a safe distance).

The DJ’s setlist always included Boys 2 Men’s  “Water Runs Dry” and songs from the Grease soundtrack, which were cringe inducing, to say the least. and seemed like the adults in charge way of encouraging male/female interaction. Besides the fact that I knew the difference between good and bad taste in music, observing the way straight coupling was encouraged via horrible music only made me more sure of the fact that I was very, very gay. My junior high years were from 1995-98, so I wonder what the equivalent of “Summer Nights” is to today’s middle schoolers. It could be something like Justin Bieber‘s “Boyfriend” or maybe they’re still trotting out those classic tunes from the Grease soundtrack. For they’re sake, I hope not.

The E! Channel has brazenly decided to fan the flames of the Joan Rivers/Chelsea Handler feud with new banners ads promoting the network, which feature the legendary performer standing atop the popular late night host and author. The juxtaposition is surprising considering the level of vitriol which the two let loose on separate appearances on The Howard Stern Show back in January.  During Handler’s appearance on the Sirius Radio show on January 24th, Stern asked:

Joan Rivers was critical of you at one point, wasn’t she?

To which Handler replied:

Joan Rivers, I mean, what the fuck do I care about Joan Rivers.

The rest of the exchange continued as follows:

H.S.

It doesn’t bother you?

C.H.
No, it doesn’t bother me. I saw Joan Rivers the other day at E!. She said, ‘Hi.’ Her and that daughter, Melissa.

H.S.
You don’t like Melissa?

C.H.
No, I don’t not like Melissa. But I don’t think about either one of them ever. And I’m like fuck off!

Rivers, who coincidentally or not, was interviewed by Stern the next day, responded by saying:

She’s fine. She’s ordinary. She’s not a genius. She’s an ordinary girl. She was fucking somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing ok. I walk over and say, ‘Hello, nice to see you.’ And she ignored me!  Who the fuck do you think you are?! That’s number one. So, whatever she is, she’s a drunk. She has her own show. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck. I don’t care. I don’t think she’s particularly funny. But don’t you come after me, you whore.

On the bright side, their venting with Stern was actually classier than any given episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Headlines for First Lady Michelle Obama‘s workout with contestants of the NBC reality show The Biggest Loser were eclipsed by her husband’s own weight loss. Whether President Obama has in fact lost weight due to the stress of governing the country or simply taken his wife Michelle’s Let’s Move! initiative to heart, media outlets have been quick to point out his apparently slimmer appearance. The Drudge Report posted the above photo along with the headlines ‘Barack N’ Bones’ and  ‘SHOCK PHOTOS: Obama, Thin And Wasting Away’. Another recent Drudge headline, announcing Pizza Hut’s newly introduced hot dog stuffed crust pizza, offers the perfect cure. After a few slices of the fast food chain’s latest gut busting concoction, he’ll be loosening his belt and struggling to lift himself off the couch like the rest of America. If all else fails, he can try Pizza Hut’s Dinner Box or as a last resort, KFC’s much maligned breadless Double Down sandwich.

Back in 2010, James Cameron vehemently expressed his disapproval over quickie retrofitted 3D movies like Clash of the Titans. It turns out all you need to create a successful and critically lauded 3D conversion is, well, James Cameron to be involved.  Titanic 3D has received unanimously good reviews from everyone except Roger Ebert, who loves the 1997 blockbuster, but groused:

I know why the film is in 3D. It’s to justify the extra charge. That’s a shabby way to treat a masterpiece.

As much enthusiasm as I have for 3D, it”s hard to disagree with Ebert on a fundamental level. For every 3D movie that works like Coraline, My Bloody Valentine, Avatar and Hugo  (a very short list) there are  countless movies that make you weary of falling for the gimmick and the surcharge ever again. After paying to see Disney’s A Christmas Carol and Piranha 3D, I swore off movies that employed the gimmick for good. That is, until I caved in to see Wim Wenders beautiful documentary Pina. That movie restored my faith in the technology and I look forward to more thoughtful and well made 3D movies in the future. And any made by James Cameron.

In the new book “The Obamas,” New York Times correspondent Jodi Kantor, writes about a secret White House cover-up. What officials at the nation’s capital tried to keep under wraps wasn’t classified military information, but apparently a 2009 Halloween party attended by the cast of Tim Burton‘s Alice in Wonderland:

White House officials were so nervous about how a splashy, Hollywood-esque party would look to jobless Americans — or their representatives in Congress, who would soon vote on health care — that the event was not discussed publicly and Burton’s and Depp’s contributions went unacknowledged.

I can see why Kitty Kelly, whose claim to fame is being the author of unauthorized biographies of Nancy Reagan, Frank Sinatra, the Bush family and Oprah, skipped this one. There may be a juicy story lurking somewhere in the Obama White House, but this isn’t it. For me, the picture brought an unexpected bout of 2009 nostalgia.  I was taken back to a screening of Tim Burton‘s Alice in Wonderland at the Navy Pier Imax Theater. As everyone exited the theater, there was a man dressed up as Johnny Depp‘s Mad Hatter greeting the kids, and adults, who had just seen the movie. The costume and makeup was an exact replica of Depp’s in the movie and as I was walking through the crowd, a young child yelled out, “You were good in the movie!” Just like the child’s innocent response, that post-Avatar time period, when speculation over the 3D movie craze was at a fever pitch, already seems like a bygone era. Now, with hindsight being 20/20, we can thank James Cameron for the fact that every Disney movie will now get a 3D re-release complete with an ever increasing surcharge. In Hollywood, that’s what they call progress.

[New York Post]

That’s Reed Hastings up above. He’s the CEO of Netflix, and the mastermind behind the Quickster debacle. Last month he apologetically announced that he was going to split Netflix into separate divisions: one for streaming videos, and the other for DVD-by-mail, to be called Quickster. After outrage from consumers and investors, he sheepishly backed out of that plan yesterday. Strange that Hastings thought the best way to phase out a service was to build another company. That’d be like McDonalds selling Big Macs in one location, and Quarter Pounders in another.

If Hastings truly wishes for Netflix to becoming streaming-only (to cut more costs for a monopoly?), then he better focus on making the streaming quality better. Sure, there’s some HD choices, but most of the movies aren’t that great of picture. Some movies aren’t even presented in widescreen. Consumers notice that kind of thing. People trust DVDs. And some people even like the good, old fashioned practice of handling DVDs. They like to feel them, pop ‘em in the DVD player, push play… that sort of thing.

Whatever people’s preferences are, one thing is for certain: All subscribers seemed to be satisfied with the way Netflix was before. So why did a company that was already a Master of the Universe, decide to tarnish its brand by rolling out a stupid idea that would confuse its already loyal customers (not to mention devaluing its stock in the process)? Ask Mr. Hastings, I guess.

If a celebrity does a good deed and no one photographs it, did the deed even exist? Miley Cyrus took a break from her current tour to visit Haiti and help distribute hearing aids to its citizens (you’d think Floridians would have more of a demand for those). Taking to her Twitter, she wrote:

That’s a little boy named Emanuel we fit him w hearing aids… I’ve never seen a smile like his! I can’t wait to go back.

For her next photo op, that is! Seeing celebrities take time out of their busy schedules to further promote themselves always brings tears to my eyes.

Footloose, the remake that nobody asked for and nobody’s excited for, is finally going to be hitting theaters. Note to executives: remaking cheesy 80s musicals, but taking the cheesy 80s-ness out of them, is not a great idea (see Fame from 2009). And casting a poor man’s Michael J. Fox in the lead role is also not a great idea. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Kevin Bacon. Just try and play the Six Degrees of Separation game with his new replacement Kenny Wormald. There’s no way to link him to Elizabeth Perkins. Where’s the fun in that?

Ex-Roseanne star Sara Gilbert was about to safely enter the “Where Are They Now” zone, where her former TV siblings Alicia Goranson and Michael Fishman currently reside. Then, in 2010, like a gift from the muse, she thought of an idea for a show. It would feature strong women sitting around a coffee table chatting about the day’s events. Actually, Barbara Walters thought of it back in 1997 and called it The View. The only original twist that Gilbert added was a different name: The Talk, same syllables, different letters.

The Talk debuted last October on CBS with decent ratings and featured a who’s who of former Celebrity Apprentices, including Holly Robinson-Peete, Sharon Osbourne, Leah Remini, Gilbert and, as the Walters-esque, “Your Highness” character, Julie Chen, plucked right from her news desk at CBS This Morning. Before long, however, it started to seem more like Chen’s show. She was the breakout “star” so to speak. This was not because the public had fallen in love with her like they had with Rosie O’Donnell back in 1996. No, it’s because she’s married to Les Moonves, president of CBS. That means she can do whatever the hell she wants to do.

In the following clip, Chen pats herself on the back for her emotional reaction to 9/11 during a discussion with the other girls. Of course, she’s the only one equipped with a pre-edited video segment starring herself to back her up:

When rumors of a clash between Chen and the other girls surfaced, it was no surprise that for season number 2, voilà, there would be cast changes (goodbye Peete and Remini!). Hell hath no fury like a Chen scorned. When Molly Shannon was announced as one of the temporary replacements, it seemed like a good choice on their part. By including one of the funniest comedic actresses in Hollywood in their lineup, The Talk had nowhere to go but up. Well, not exactly. Something about Chen’s glare just totally neuters and destroys Shannon’s timing. In the following clip, she can hardly get though a story before throwing in her forfeit towel:

And in this clip, even doing the simplest of promotions for her new children’s book while Chen’s sitting near her proves to be too much for Shannon:

The Talk managed to turn a once-vivacious and funny Shannon into a whimpering, stuttering, nervous wreck of her former self. The SNL alum even managed to get jeers from TV Guide. I don’t think that the problem is Shannon, though. I don’t even think the problem is Chen, who has a certain shameless spite that I can respect. The problem is that the lineup has no chemistry, the format is stale, and this stale format is being executed better (if that’s the right word for it) by the original The Talk, The View.